I am sorry. I really did love you. I know you'll never forgive me. And I know you'll never ask me back. I know you'll never talk to me again and Ill never see you again. I should probably say thank you. Or that we had a great time. I'm scared and I'm sad. I wish you loved me enough to at least ask me to stay. Its too much. All the time apart, the jealousy, the agony of not being enough for you. I want to be there for you. I would love to be the one for you. I know I'm not and I'm so lonely. I cant stay with you with no end in sight. I don't want to be alone. I'm scared you'll get a girl. A Boston girl. M maybe but you'll never marry me. I wish you could have Maybe we could have made it, but I don't think so.
The thing is, its been you for so long that I don't know how to be with anyone else. I am trying to forget you. The way you smell. The BIG of you. Your hands. Sleeping next to you. These are the things I missed even when we were together. Things like the way you give head. And the way we slept together. And the way you look at me when you're hard.
I wont miss faking it. Or yelling about text messages in my phone. I wont miss having to go to bed every night when you're ready. Or having to explain the exact placement and relation of every person I chance to bump into. I want you to be happy for me. I wish you had said "I am so proud of you." Instead of "I knew I would see you flirting when I watched it." I wish you trusted me. Although, maybe you shouldn't.
You never even wanted to meet my friends. You're still mad I missed your birthday at midnight. You think I dated the Diamond Man. You never came to see me. You wouldn't fly me to you. You and I are not forever. But you've been around so long it's so wierd.
Love,
K
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